Sunday, January 19, 2014

Coming Out Of The Closet

Why do we hide our fears and bury our pain? I have experienced genuine happiness for the pregnancy announcement of a friend one morning; then silently wept in bed on the eve of the same day because of an emptiness inside that I am forced to face again. I have felt profound joy when holding someone else’s newborn and simultaneously felt a deep sadness that I don’t have one to love as my own.

I bury the pain for many reasons. Sometimes it is well intended. I want to live my life focusing on the blessings and not dwelling on the sorrow. I do not want pity and definitely do not want anyone else to feel guilty because of his or her own blessings. There is a fear of being humiliated or being looked down upon as weak. It takes extreme vulnerability to expose the naked soul and true humility to ask for help. There is a risk involved. What if we expose our soul and it is not well received?  This is the biggest fear of all.
It was in a moment of flooding fears such as this, that I heard the voice of a wise woman I know and love who taught me, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” No one can read your mind if you don’t speak up. So, that’s what we decided to do.  We recently came out of the closet and officially announced to friends and family that “we’re expanding!” The process is extremely overwhelming and we need support, both emotionally and financially. Will you stand by us as we walk this journey?

The response has been indescribable. Why did we ever try to walk this journey alone!?!?  We are out of the closet and it is so invigorating to release the inner secrets, expose an honest pain, and ask for help.  We were not meant to walk alone.
It is with that revelation in mind that I would like to say thank you to the beloved family who sacrificed all their adult Christmas gifts and even their Christmas tree in order to make a deposit in our mini-moore savings account. Thank you to the woman who sacrificially tried to offer us the use of her uterus as a gestational surrogate to lovingly carry a baby for Matt and I to call our own. Thank you to the complete stranger who read our story and felt lead to donate. Thank you to the family who comes together and prays for us every night before bed. Thank you to the friends who’ve donated their time and creative talents to make this blog possible. None of this would have been possible if we hadn’t squeaked. We are overwhelmed with gratitude and a feeling of support that we never anticipated. The impossible suddenly seems possible. And it is all thanks to you…  

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